Monday, March 26, 2007

South Korea's Underwater Tank
I just read an article on Yahoo news about how South Korea recently unveiled their new tank, the ironically named "Black Panther" (as anyone who has ever worked at a hagwan could tell you, Huey P. would have had a tough time getting his black ass hired in Korea). It can travel quickly in up to 4.1 meters of water, it has an active missle defence system, and according to Kim Eui Hwan, the officer in charge of the project, it has "more superb capabilities than any other existing tank" (nonexistent tanks, like the kinds that can turn into a gigantic robot or travel in outer space, can kick its ass). Ahn Dhong Man, president of the state-run Agency for Defence Development, has this to say: "We have stolen a march over other developed countries in developing ground weaponry. The Black Panther proves it."

For my own part, I want to congratulate South Korea. I hope this world-class achievment is able to somewhat assuage their pathetic insecurity, especially since those cloned stem cells turned out to be a complete fabrication. Maybe they could even start an Asian arms race. Now that would be something to brag about! If I were South Korea (as bizarre as that would be), I might seek other ways to prove my "developed" status to the rest of the world. Like having a few trees left alive in my country. Or laws, supported by a social welfare system, to prevent parents from regularly beating the living hell out of their kids. But to each their own. It sounds like a great tank, and South Korea needs as many internal combustion engines as it can get. Those Cape Breton-sized toxic clouds don't just emit themselves, you know.

The article concludes, puzzlingly, with the following one-sentence paragraph:

South Korea's 680,000-strong military, assisted by a 29,500-strong US contingent, faces off against North Korea's 1.1 million-strong armed forces.

Where and when is this "face off" taking place? In Korean propaganda and in the Western media, of course. All the time.

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